Burned Out

Dear Dick,

How you cope with feelings of that you don't belong? Like you're losing people close to you because you're so pathetic. Any help on how to get back on track?

-Depressed Deborah

Deborah,

Let me start off by saying that what you are feeling is a common thing. As cliché as it sounds everyone goes through rough times like this. Before you can start feeling better I think you need to know WHY you are feeling like this. 

It sounds to me like you are burned out. Burnout is a product of excessive stress, and has symptoms similar to depression.  Unlike depression though, it has nothing to do with chemical imbalances. Being burned out makes you feel lost, sad, like nothing is worth the effort, and can make you reflect poorly on yourself.

Just remember you are NOT pathetic. First off you sought help and advice, pathetic people just wallow in self pity. You are stronger then you give yourself credit for. You see the thing is, because of constant stress you start to feel like you aren’t meeting expectations. The truth is, you are making these expectations of yourself and applying them to your life. It’s how the brain sometimes organizes workloads. When you are stressed and things aren’t going as planned in your head, small things that may be a joke could sound incredibly offensive due to your fragile state. So no, people don’t hate you or anything, in all probability they have no idea they did anything wrong. 

My prescription for your problem is to take time off. Seriously, you need to take a day or two away from the people who are causing a bit of stress (significant others, close friends you see a lot). And do “you activities”, grab a friend and go for a long walk in the woods, go swimming, treat yourself out to a bite, sleep in, most off all recuperate. The more you offset your mind from your problems the better you will start to feel. After a day or two of STRESS FREE ACTIVITIES (don’t make me say it again) you should start to feel refreshed, and ready to tackle your problems head on. 

 Buddha was such a wise man because he knew how to be happy, 

a secret we must all find for ourselves.

Meditating is a practice of many people all over the world. While some say it is to gather wisdom, it is really a time of reflection. Looking inward can help you organize your thoughts so you can overcome stress and strife and lead a happier life, that is the enlightenment wise men speak of. Now I’m not saying you need to meditate or take up Taoism or anything. But stress can make things seem very insurmountable. It can make the most beautiful day dismal, and a lot of people don’t know how to cope. So finding your vice is something that can make all the difference. Things are usually brighter then they seem. You just have to look really hard sometimes. Just don’t give up.

-The Dick

How Soon Is Too Soon?

Dick, 

How soon is too soon to sleep with a new beau?

Sincerely,

Ready Betty

Dear Betty, 

This is one of those things that is pure preference really. A lot of people say the third date, I disagree with these people. I think each relationship should be felt out, and you should use your own judgment in deciding this. 

Too soon? I would say within the first two weeks of knowing them. In the first two weeks you learn a lot about a person. And if you sleep with them before you get a chance to get some of the skeletons out of the closet, then you could (and probably will) find out something that you don’t like about them and end up regretting it. 

Sex is a very personal thing. It is a connection two people share between one another that they don’t share with anyone else. It’s like sharing your deepest darkest secret with someone, trust is vital. And if you don’t really know that person too well, then you could be giving a real douche bag some very personal information about you.

Now if you are worried about being perceived as a tramp, that is another thing. Girls are way more quick to judge then guys are, but from a guys point of view, if you have been going on dates and hanging out with your beau for more than like 3 weeks the thought won’t even cross our minds. When a guy calls a girl a tramp it is usually just a way to demean her and has nothing to do with her sex life (unless she is the slut that cheated on her boyfriend with the whole football team). The men who do this are the same men that treat you like crap in public and will always break your heart.

My advice to you is to wait. Wait like a month (a month and a half if you can make it) before you give it up. It’s true, a guy thinks about sex a lot, especially if you know how to work the seductive charm. But I can honestly say, there is nothing I love more then when a girl makes me wait. Not only will he respect you more, but when it happens, the sex will be ten times better. Not only will you guys have had ample time to get to know one another, giving the sex the intimacy and closeness that always makes it better. But in the period of time he spent waiting, you kept him in suspense. And when he can finally get to express this too you, it will be a night both of you will remember.  The relationship will be stronger for having waited as well. Studies show that couples that start having sex right out of the gate have significantly less of a chance then when they wait a bit. 

But like I said everyone is different and a relationship shouldn’t be formulized. Use your judgment, only give it up when he earns and deserves that trust from you. Never before.

Sign,

The Dick