Burned Out

Dear Dick,

How you cope with feelings of that you don't belong? Like you're losing people close to you because you're so pathetic. Any help on how to get back on track?

-Depressed Deborah

Deborah,

Let me start off by saying that what you are feeling is a common thing. As cliché as it sounds everyone goes through rough times like this. Before you can start feeling better I think you need to know WHY you are feeling like this. 

It sounds to me like you are burned out. Burnout is a product of excessive stress, and has symptoms similar to depression.  Unlike depression though, it has nothing to do with chemical imbalances. Being burned out makes you feel lost, sad, like nothing is worth the effort, and can make you reflect poorly on yourself.

Just remember you are NOT pathetic. First off you sought help and advice, pathetic people just wallow in self pity. You are stronger then you give yourself credit for. You see the thing is, because of constant stress you start to feel like you aren’t meeting expectations. The truth is, you are making these expectations of yourself and applying them to your life. It’s how the brain sometimes organizes workloads. When you are stressed and things aren’t going as planned in your head, small things that may be a joke could sound incredibly offensive due to your fragile state. So no, people don’t hate you or anything, in all probability they have no idea they did anything wrong. 

My prescription for your problem is to take time off. Seriously, you need to take a day or two away from the people who are causing a bit of stress (significant others, close friends you see a lot). And do “you activities”, grab a friend and go for a long walk in the woods, go swimming, treat yourself out to a bite, sleep in, most off all recuperate. The more you offset your mind from your problems the better you will start to feel. After a day or two of STRESS FREE ACTIVITIES (don’t make me say it again) you should start to feel refreshed, and ready to tackle your problems head on. 

 Buddha was such a wise man because he knew how to be happy, 

a secret we must all find for ourselves.

Meditating is a practice of many people all over the world. While some say it is to gather wisdom, it is really a time of reflection. Looking inward can help you organize your thoughts so you can overcome stress and strife and lead a happier life, that is the enlightenment wise men speak of. Now I’m not saying you need to meditate or take up Taoism or anything. But stress can make things seem very insurmountable. It can make the most beautiful day dismal, and a lot of people don’t know how to cope. So finding your vice is something that can make all the difference. Things are usually brighter then they seem. You just have to look really hard sometimes. Just don’t give up.

-The Dick

How Soon Is Too Soon?

Dick, 

How soon is too soon to sleep with a new beau?

Sincerely,

Ready Betty

Dear Betty, 

This is one of those things that is pure preference really. A lot of people say the third date, I disagree with these people. I think each relationship should be felt out, and you should use your own judgment in deciding this. 

Too soon? I would say within the first two weeks of knowing them. In the first two weeks you learn a lot about a person. And if you sleep with them before you get a chance to get some of the skeletons out of the closet, then you could (and probably will) find out something that you don’t like about them and end up regretting it. 

Sex is a very personal thing. It is a connection two people share between one another that they don’t share with anyone else. It’s like sharing your deepest darkest secret with someone, trust is vital. And if you don’t really know that person too well, then you could be giving a real douche bag some very personal information about you.

Now if you are worried about being perceived as a tramp, that is another thing. Girls are way more quick to judge then guys are, but from a guys point of view, if you have been going on dates and hanging out with your beau for more than like 3 weeks the thought won’t even cross our minds. When a guy calls a girl a tramp it is usually just a way to demean her and has nothing to do with her sex life (unless she is the slut that cheated on her boyfriend with the whole football team). The men who do this are the same men that treat you like crap in public and will always break your heart.

My advice to you is to wait. Wait like a month (a month and a half if you can make it) before you give it up. It’s true, a guy thinks about sex a lot, especially if you know how to work the seductive charm. But I can honestly say, there is nothing I love more then when a girl makes me wait. Not only will he respect you more, but when it happens, the sex will be ten times better. Not only will you guys have had ample time to get to know one another, giving the sex the intimacy and closeness that always makes it better. But in the period of time he spent waiting, you kept him in suspense. And when he can finally get to express this too you, it will be a night both of you will remember.  The relationship will be stronger for having waited as well. Studies show that couples that start having sex right out of the gate have significantly less of a chance then when they wait a bit. 

But like I said everyone is different and a relationship shouldn’t be formulized. Use your judgment, only give it up when he earns and deserves that trust from you. Never before.

Sign,

The Dick

Look Me In The Eyes And Say That

Dear Dick,

It seems like every time I meet a guy, I catch him staring at my chest. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I'm trying to talk to a guy and he can't look me in the eye for more than 5 seconds! What can I do?
                Sign- Self-Conscious Courtney

Courtney,

There is no way to avoid this. When a man meets a woman, he subconsciously looks at her pelvis and her chest. First to identify the gender of the person he is staring at, and then again to determine attraction. This is commonly misread as gawking because men lack the peripheral vision that women have, so we get caught. Women do this too, but their peripheral vision allows them to do so subtly.

The average length of eye contact held in a conversation in America is three to four seconds. People then glance away, often at the mouth of the person talking. This too can be misread as traveling eyes. Longer eye contact is reserved for intimate encounters and conversations, with lengths of up to 5 to seven seconds of eye contact. This intimate gazing is often accompanied with glancing at the woman's body. It's not that we don't find you interesting. On the contrary, we find you so interesting we are trying to familiarize ourselves with your body. A lot of the times we don't even notice we are doing it.

Now let’s say you meet a guy who is blatantly staring at the goods. Not glancing or sneaking a peak, but full on, having the conversation with your chest. First off, this is probably an indicator that this guy is a bit of a tool. If he can't control his eyes while talking, there are probably more things he has trouble controlling. But, if you like him and want it to work, try grabbing his chin, and tilting his head up to yours. While making eye contact, simply tell him that your eyes are up here. Flash him a big toothy smile to let him know he was caught and that you forgive him. Then Continue on with the conversation. If that doesn't work, it just really isn't worth it. Best pack up now before he meets your sister...

Sign- The Dick

If you want to submit any questions email them to me at DTAQuestions@gmail.com. I look forward to your emails!

Seat Down Standards

Dear Dick,

Why do guys insist on leaving the toilet seat up? Don’t they know that women use the toilet too?!

                Sign-  Wetbottom Wilma

Wilma,

To be honest it’s because men simply don’t care. We plan to peeing again so for our convenience we leave it up. The whole point of lifting the seat is so we don’t splash on the seat, that makes it uncomfortable for everyone! If it bothers you that much why not talk to your guy about it. Try leaving a sign above the toilet. If all else fails, try looking before you sit down….

Let me ask you Wilma, why does it even matter? Why do women always leave the seat down? If men have to leave the seat down every time why can’t women put it up once in a while? And why do women think that the world should be set to convenient mode? This question showcases some of the ways that a woman can be vein and self centered.

Sign- The Dick

If you want to submit any questions email them to me at DTAQuestions@gmail.com. I look forward to your emails!

Why Do Men Cheat?

Dear Dick,

 Why do men cheat?

    Sign- Betrayed Brittany

Dear Brittany,

Well this is difficult thing to explain, as there are many reasons why. I will touch on, what I feel to be, the two biggest reasons why men cheat compared to why women cheat. 

Fist let me explain that men cheat for attention and more sex, while women normally cheat to fill an emotional void. Other reasons for cheating (both genders) are revenge, boredom, the thrill, and being a sex addict. But those reasons are actually in the much lower percentile. 

In my personal opinion and experience dealing with people who have cheated, I would say that one of the biggest reasons for men is that sex becomes dull for whatever reason. The sex may not be adventurous enough, frequent enough, and even just start to feel like a “daily grind” type of thing. So instead of addressing problems in their relationship they cheat. They figure they can have a great solid relationship with lots of love and security in one hand, and have something purely for sex in the other. So in a sense it’s not even that he doesn’t love you anymore, he just feels like you aren’t pleasing him and he would rather cheat and have you believe everything is fine rather then tell you what is wrong.

Another big reason why men cheat is that they are selfish douche bags that don’t care about anyone but themselves. It’s very easy for a guy to get a girlfriend and use her for sex and status, while at the same time have girls on the side. This is because he is insecure and needs the attention from multiple people. He will have his girlfriend to give a constant stream of attention and sex but still crave more. The reason why he doesn’t just sleep with a lot of people and stay single is because he needs something to fall back on if he doesn’t score. Women do this too, but it is much less common. 

“They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women. That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women. The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [kids] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women. So after thousands of generations, this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.”

 -according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas

                                                                                             Source of quote

So Brittany, while some believe it is “biologically programmed” in our heads it doesn’t mean it is right. People have thousands of “biologically programmed” tendencies that we ignore in order for society to run smoothly. But no matter what men who cheat will always find a way to justify it. But when it comes down to it, men cheat because they are insecure, cowards, attention whore, or just a dick. There is no other way I can put it.

Sign- The Dick

If you want to submit any question email them to me at DTAQuestions@gmail.com. I look forward to your emails!

Is He In Love With Me?

Dear Dick,

If you've been dating someone for a while (years), and they tell
you they love you but never say  "in love"; why is that.

          Sign- Worried Wendy

Dear Worried Wendy,

Let me start this off my stating that this is a perfect example of how me are different then women. To men, simply put, there is no difference between the two. When a guy says he loves you, it means just that, he is in love with you. Guys don’t go around telling people that they love them and have it mean “as a friend”. We only tell that to someone we are in love with them, or if it’s our moms. 

There is a huge difference between an “I love you brah” and an intimate “I love you”. Chances are, (we are assuming in this case that you two are in a relationship), if he says “I love you” and never elaborates its indicates a few things. One being, he is new to dealing with women on an intimate level and doesn’t know that women like to be assured in every which way that they are still loved, how, and why. Frankly its over whelming if you are new to relationships. And two, he doesn’t even know that there is a difference and never will unless you come right out and say “I know you love me. But are you IN love with me?”. I will put money on it that he will be shocked and confused at the question and his answer will be “..Yeah, I tell you all the time don’t I? Why what’s up?”. 

This shouldn’t trip you up. You are doing the girl thing and reading WAY too much into it. Now there is a time to be worried. If your guy is a stud, a romantic; someone who knows how to smooth talk, then he should know all about wordplay. If he says he loves you but never says he is IN love with you, it means he’s not ready to commit. And on the flip side if he has professed his being in love with you before, but all of a sudden has stopped, it means something changed. That is when you look into it. He probably got bored with you, fell out of love with you, is cheating, or the realization that the relationship is actually going somewhere just hit him and it scares that crap out of him.

The most common reason Wendy, is he is completely clueless. A relationship newb, and if it bothers you, talk to him about it. If he loves you he will appreciate the honesty, and start being more creative with his “I love you”s. You have nothing to worry about by the sounds of it.

Sign- The Dick

If you want to submit any question email them to me at DTAQuestions@gmail.com. I look forward to your emails!

DTA

I offer advice and answers to any and all questions. I promise you a thoroughly researched and educated answer to the best of my ability. As for advice, I am an open book. I'll give you the most blunt, straightforward, and honest answer.

Now a bit about myself. I am a 20 something year old guy. I am currently in the military and used to be pre-med. I am very big into fitness and reading.

If you want to submit any question email them to me at DTAQuestions@gmail.com. I look forward to your emails!

-The Dick